Commonly Asked Questions by Adoptive Familes and Birth Mom's

Adoptive families often wonder about birth mothers and why some choose adoption.
Based on ASI experiences here are some general birth mom demographics:

Birth Parents, Who Are They?

The average birth mother ASI works with is somewhere between the ages of 22 and 41 and she is more than likely to already be a parent to one or more child(ren). As experienced parents, ASI has found, women who place children for adoption have a clear understanding of the time, the costs, and the emotional responsibility it takes to be an effective parent. It is also not uncommon for birth mothers who place to have severed ties with the father of their child, though this is not always the case because ASI has worked with several great birth fathers. Lastly, birth mothers love their children and put a lot of care and consideration into their plans for adoption. It is never a decision that they make lightly. The majority of birth mothers ASI has worked with are high school graduates, a few have not completed high school, and many (after placement) continue their educations.

Why Do Birth Mom's Choose Adoption?

ASI birth mothers are generally single - never married or divorced. Some birth mothers have supportive birth fathers, a few are married couples, a few are unmarried couples, some birth mothers do not know who the father of their child is, some have been abandoned by the birthfather after he becomes aware of the pregnancy or prior. Whatever the case ASIs' experience is most women who place a child for adoption would be good parents to the child they are carrying and are good parents to the children they have. When a birth mother chooses adoption she does so for a variety of sound reasons. Some of the reasons include but are not limited to: (mentioned already) not being in the position to parent due to financial or economic factors; not being able to parent another child; no support from the father of the child; no family support; severe legal problems and/or incarceration; not in an emotional place to be a parent; mental health and addiction problems; rape or date rape. ASI staff helps a birthmother sort through her personal reasons for adoption and assists her in developing a plan for adoption that fits her needs and the needs of her child.

Spiritual Beliefs:

Some birth mothers hold deep religious beliefs and others have had no strong religous preferences. Despite these differences one thing all birth mothers have in common is the belief that abortion was not the right answer for them. ASI does not have a particular religous-affiliation, rather it respects all women and men of faith and it does not exclude those who do not profess a particular faith. ASI has no opinion on the pro choice pro life debate. ASI, does however, endorse that all child's spiritual needs be addressed by adoptive families.

Adoption: The Easy Way Out?

Some birth mothers are judged and criticised for their adoption plans. A few of the criticisms include: choosing adoption means they are taking the easy way out; adoption means that they don't care about their child; adoption means that they don't want or love their child; or adoption is just a way to avoid responsiblity. Most critics, if asked, have never placed a child for adoption. Creating an adoption plan and following through with it is probably going to be one of the most difficult things a birth mother will ever face. Placing a child for adoption is far from taking the easy way out it is an incredibly courageous unselfish act. Birth mothers who choose adoption put aside their feelings and consider what is in their child's best interest. ASI staff can help birthmothers work through these and other criticisms and provide support before and after placement. ASI staff help birth mothers identify safe people in their lives and help with protective boundary setting to avoid unsolicited judgements of others - most of whom have never walked a mile in their shoes.

Common Fears:

Fears about adoption are common. A common birth mother fear is that the child they place for adoption will hate them and grow up believing that he or she was not wanted or loved. Another fear is that an adoptive family will not be able to love her child as much as much as the birth mother can. Other fears include adoptive families making promises to remain in contact after placement and them not honoring their promise, or an adoptive family who is not authentic. ASI staff will assist birthmothers to name and address their adoption fears. Any and all fears will be discussed in an open forum with the adoptive family. Those questions and concerns a birth mother has will be addressed to her satisfaction through open communication. If during her pregnancy she has second thoughts about the family she has chosen the birth mother is free to take her plan for adoption in different direction and meet new families in search of a match that better meets her needs. While it is always the birth mother's choice, ASI encourages open adoption with on going life long contact many fears that a birth mother has for her child can be aleviated.

"The woman who takes the time and effort to put a plan for adoption in place, who carefully chooses an adoptive family, and follows through with her plan loves her child and wants what is in his or her child's best interest."

-Dr. Elizabeth Page

ASI Director & Founder

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